Tone of Voice Tips

All too often we focus on the words that we use rather than the way we use them. It’s true that words are important. In the field of Law, if you don’t read the ‘fine print’ (the words), then you could get into trouble. However, the words in general conversation, feedback and at work may only account for a small part of the impact of what is being said.

Let’s take for example the question:

“Who did this?”

Now depending on how this is said, the reaction of those around will be quite different. If the phrase was said in a delighted tone, it’s likely to bring everyone forward seeking to take the credit.

However, if the same phrase was said in an angry tone, you are likely to get the opposite response. If you’re uncertain as to how this works, try it out at home. My kids tend to all rush in when the ‘delighted’ tone is used and hide when the ‘angry’ tone is employed.

There are many tones we can add too. Tones are ways of speaking and the list is pretty huge. Some examples include:
Frustrated, angry, sensual, excited, cautious and sad.
Why don’t you practice saying a shopping list in different tones to someone and see if they can guess which tone you’re using. They’ll usually be right.
In a coaching situation, you can also change the whole meaning of a sentence by where you put the biggest emphasis. The intonation of the voice can alter meaning dramatically.

Take this sentence for example:
“I never said you could leave early”
It seems pretty harmless right?

Okay – let’s look at changing the intonation (the emphasis) of each word in turn and look at what it does to the sentence:

Phrase                                             -      Means

“I never said you could leave early” –     someone may have said you could leave early but it wasn’t me.

“I never said you could leave early” -     I deny ever saying that you could leave early.

“I never said you could leave early” -     I may have implied that you could leave early but didn’t actually say it.

“I never said you could leave early” -     Someone else may be leaving early but not you.

“I never said you could leave early” -     We may have talked about leaving early but I never confirmed it.

“I never said you could leave early” -     There may be something you could do early but it wasn’t “leaving”.

“I never said you could leave early” -     You can leave alright but not early.


So, as you can see, the placement of the emphasis can alter the meaning of a simple seven word sentence a lot. Why is this important? Well it’s not just about the way YOU say something – as in when you are speaking with someone – that’s very important. It’s also about how the other person takes what is said. So if you speak with a monotone voice (no change in pitch or variance) then emphasis can seemingly be nowhere and if you decide to write the feedback down – or send it by email, you open yourself up to the other person’s interpretation. That can depend on their current state of mind, their setting, their last interaction with you – a whole host of different impacts. If you can read a simple seven word sentence seven different ways – imagine how many ways you could take a lengthy email on how your performance was going!

If you’re going to give feedback – give it verbally. Use email only as confirmation. Feedback should always be a verbal process. It’s the only way an exchange of understanding can take place.

About the Author:

Derek Good has been a General Manager for a number of years and since 2002 has been involved in corporate training and consulting. He has won the North Shore Business Award for Customer Service Excellence and the TUANZ Award for innovation for general education.

These days Derek's focus is on researching the changes in training trends and developing his online micro video training organisation LearningPlanet which is currently accessed by thousands of users across a number of countries.

For more information visit www.learningplanet.me and his Amazon page for leadership books.